Anonymous
asks:
So after many years of trying (I'm 18) I've finally realised that I will never have a boyfriend, love, have sex, etc.. So I've decided to become against relationships & sex (as a whole including heterosexual relationships) is that wrong? I have told a few people this and they think I'm being ignorant but when you 've wanted something for so long and not gotten it.. you begin to resent it right?

I wouldn’t go as far as to call you ignorant, but short sided.  You are 18 years old… why in the world do you think that you should have found your man by now?  Where is that written?  People find love/relationships at ALL ages.  Just because you haven’t found a man yet doesn’t really mean that you should give up.  At least, I don’t think so.

If you don’t want to try anymore, that’s fine…I think that would be a bad idea, but I would never force someone to keep trying.  You have an amazingly long road ahead of you… why would you shun off a relationship now?!  

I wanted a relationship badly myself.  I found Chris when I was 25 years old… I know people that have started dating in their 30’s… some in their 40’s… some in their 60’s… even some in their 70’s.  I think it’s a matter of perspective.

Resent only surfaces when you’ve truly lost hope.  I don’t think you should lose hope.  I can see how a person could start to resent relationships, but again… you’re 18!!  

Personally, I think you should take a deep breath and continue to see what happens.  I don’t think it’s a great idea to be against others because they have something you do not.  We all have different circumstances in our lives that make it impossible to compare one person to the next.  I just don’t see how 18 is the age at which one should give up.  I don’t think that makes sense personally.

Of course, it’s entirely up to you whether or not you want to continue to try and pursue others or not.  If you want to give up, nobody can stop you… but I really think that it you should give it more time.  I know that you’ve wanted it for a very long time… but that doesn’t mean that something will just land in your lap.  Continue to work on your confidence and improving yourself… and things will work out.  Trust me. :-)

I hope that helps!

~kev

Anonymous
asks:
Happy birthday to Chris! Hope he has a great birthday!

Yay!!  Thank you so much!!  It’s been a great day! :-)

Thank you!

~kev

Anonymous
asks:
how old are you? I've just seen the post of you wishing your bf a happy birthday. I assumed you were old lol.

I’m 37, and my guy is 30 today.  So yes… I’m old.  Lol.

~kev

Happy Birthday Chris!!! :-D

My man turns 30 today!  :-D  

And yes, I woke him up right… birthday blow job! :-)  Haha… Now I am letting him sleep in a bit more… (he still has to work tonight… ugh.) :-(  I know… I know… why in the world?!  It’s because we’re going to be taking some time off together in a week off together.  So he had to sacrifice today to get that week.  It was a deal.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUPPY!  You mean the world to me… always have… always will.  RAWR! :-)  Yay!!!  :-D

~kev

male love

male love

gay male love

gay male love

love

love

frenchpatrick:
gay male love

frenchpatrick:

gay male love

Anonymous
asks:
Thank you for taking your time to answer these questions in a very insightful way, much appreciated!

You’re absolutely welcome.  I’m just here to help where I can.  I wish I could help everyone.  So many of you write me amazing questions, but I just can’t get to them all.  :-( 

But I appreciate the kind words.  Thank you so very much!  :-)

~kev

Anonymous
asks:
Why do I have to come out the closet? Is it really a necessity for everyone to know about my sexuality, private/personal life? Why can't I just stay in the closet for as long as I live?

You absolutely can.  There’s nobody requiring you to come out of the closet.  You can live your entire life there if you so choose.

Let me also say this… I don’t think it’s a necessity for everyone to know your private/personal life…but I can tell you that it does get exhausting keeping everyone away from that part of your life.  

Why do I say that?  I used to keep that part of me hidden at work.  Why?  There was a time where I was thinking it may hinder promotion (yea, it kills me that I even thought that way… but I can’t deny discrimination in the workplace)… I mean, it’s truly nobody’s business at the office, right?  So I thought it would be best to just leave that part of me out of the picture completely.  I had every right to keep that part of my life private in the work place… but after awhile, I realized that I was always keeping that wall up … not really letting people get to know ME.  

Did I need to tell anyone?  Absolutely not.  But I started to find that nobody really could get to know me because of how private I made things.  When I started opening up and being myself… I started talking about my relationship and some of the great aspects of being gay… but not in a “throw it in anyone’s face” kind of way… I noticed that things were more relaxing.  I didn’t have to put that part of my life in a box and hidden.  I guess what I’m saying is that while I wasn’t running down a hall with a pride flag… I also wasn’t hiding it.

I don’t think everyone has to come out of the closet.  I do think things are easier (generally) when you are out of the closet… but that truly depends upon you and what you want.  

It’s your life to lead… you lead it any way that suits you.  If you want to be in the closet and keep that part of your life super quiet, so be it.  But you truly do know how difficult it is to keep that part quiet… and as life goes on… it seems like it would be more and more difficult…. but surely possible.

I hope that helps!

~kev

Stop Bullying

Alright, I rarely get involved over internet flare-ups but this one is pretty disgusting.

A friend of mine VERY recently experienced quite a bit of hate and attitude from another gay person… for reasons beyond my understanding.  What was the reason?

My friend was asked to make a picture for this guy, and he didn’t feel like it… so he said no to this guy… so the dude went into this *NASTY* manipulation act…. over a picture.  

image

Bullying doesn’t just happen from straight people to gay people… it’s clear and evident in our own community how gay people bash other gay people.  It’s disgusting.

image

So my friend ignored him (blocked him)… got upset over how he was treated, but tried to let it go.  

In an effort to step it up a few notches… he then uses ANOTHER kik account, and links my friend to the website where he posted my friend’s pictures (even XXX pics) on tumblr.

image

This is absolutely something that I just don’t understand.  All over him wanting my friend to give him a picture.

I tried to speak with him myself… but he kept running… which cowards typically do.

Bullying is never welcomed or desired…but making people feel isolated and alone… is never the way to handle a situation.  It’s gross.

So Bram, I tried to reach you in my chat room… and on kik… but you ran like a coward.  Maybe someone else will have better luck in trying to understand why you felt the need to belittle someone else because you didn’t get what you wanted.

Bram Vanderoze’s kik:  ilovethewayyoufuck
Bram’s other kik (when my friend blocked him): brammiewammie

It sickens me that because he didn’t get what he wanted… he would take someone else’s pictures and post them in chat rooms and all over tumblr.  Those were private.

It’s disgusting.  STOP bullying people and manipulating them to get what you want.

Another friend asked him to take down the pictures and back off… to which Bram laughed.  It’s really gross.  To even think that we would be talking about an adult here. 

Oh well… thank you for reading this.  Bullying is never the way to go.  Making people feel bad or belittled because you’re miserable … I mean… come on.  Be an adult.

And yes, I’m posting this for all to see.  Why?  I think shining light on a disgusting case of bullying quickly reminds us all how alive and well bullying is in our own community.

I do hope someone else is able to help him understand just how sick and manipulative he was… and help him see that we’re one big family… and should treat others with respect.

Good luck!

~kev

love

love

asks:
Hey what's your number?

323-942-9636

I’m not around it right now to talk/text, but I should be able to text later sometime. 

You can also feel free to leave me a cool voice mail too! Lol… (anyone who wants to… that’s cool with me!)

RAWR!

~kev

Anonymous
asks:
Hey Kev, thank you very much for the advice. I'm the one that's moving to another city & feeling very distanced from my two best friends. Nothing has really improved since I asked you for the advice, which really bums me out. I've spent time with one of my best friends & the entire time she talked about her problems & stuff, not once did she ask me how I was or how the move was progressing. So, I'd like to ask for further advice. (And yes, they did know I could possibly be moving). Thanks!

They’re distancing themselves from you because you are leaving.  They’re putting up their defenses because it’s going to hurt them when you go… so they are struggling with that… with you.

I have seen this happen before… sometimes you’re able to recover where you left off once you’re gone and have proven yourself not to slow or stop talking to them.  

It’s hard to think that we would ever grow distant from those that we care about… but it is a natural human reaction to want to guard oneself from that happening to ourselves.

I know this is hard not to take personal, but the best advice I can give you is to show (as you have always done, I’m sure!) that you aren’t going anywhere…even tho you’re moving away.  

The natural response is to push back and get mad at them for how they’re acting.  I totally get that.  I can’t say that I haven’t felt that myself before because I have… but I can tell you that friends of mine that I have stayed in touch with… I showed it to them how since I was the one moving… I would be the one who ensured that we wouldn’t lose touch.  

I’m not telling you it is more your responsibility than theirs… because it truly is 50/50… but I did it because I wanted them to know that they meant that much to me.

I’m not asking you to do anything different.  I’m just letting you know what worked for me.  

I really think they are doing this because it’s hurting them that you’re leaving.  And while you certainly should feel justified in being hurt with how they’re treating you… I truly don’t think they’re doing it for any other reason than they are guarding themselves from the pain of you leaving.

Of course, I could be wrong on this… but I just don’t think that’s what your friends are up to.  That’s what I think anyways.

I hope that helps!

~kev