That can be a touchy subject because that’s not really a question one asks his partner out of the gate. 

There are definitely some couples where one would like it and the other does not. 

Honestly?  Cross that bridge when you get there.  If you would have asked me before I met Chris if I’d ever consider a three way, I can honestly tell you that I would have said that I was not interested in the idea at all.  And that would have been the truth.  It wasn’t until Chris and I were dating for a couple of years did the subject came up.  By that point, I thought it sounded like fun.  I was still not sure of the idea, but I finally said what the hell.

That doesn’t work that way for everyone, but my point is that had the conversation come up as we first started dating, I think it would have been WAY to heavy… so I wouldn’t recommend saying anything until you’ve been together awhile.  It’s a catch 22 because if you’re dating for awhile and then find out he’s into it and you still aren’t… well, that may present some challenges.

So what I’d tell you is to be upfront with your partner when the subject does come up.  Don’t make a decision for him… just tell him how you feel about it.  I’d like to think that he would respect his boyfriend enough to drop it and not have a three way.

Perfect example that JUST happened yesterday.  One of my close friends that Chris and I were hanging out with yesterday admitted to me that her boyfriend doesn’t want to have a three way with her and ANOTHER GIRL.  I had to admit… if I was straight, I think that kind of three way would be a blast!  However, he’s not interested in the idea… at all.  So what has she done about it?  Nothing.  Why?  Because she loves him.  Now if he up and decided one day to do it, he already knows how she feels about it, but if that never happens… she’ll never do it. 

So, to me, it’s all about communication … and communication at the right time.  Bringing something up like that early in a relationship is a bad idea.  He’ll get the impression that you’re looking to fool around (and that’s not true.  It’s certainly not true for Chris and myself). 

So give the question time… wait and make sure your relationship is as incredible as I know it will be… and then talk about it… if it’s bothering you.  You’ll know your partner well enough to be able to have an open and honest conversation about it.

I don’t think it’s something you need to worry about.  Chris and I stumbled onto it more than was eager to start it.  And we had fun and enjoyed ourselves… but if I were to go back and ask Kevin of 9 years ago what he thought… He’d tell us both that there’s no way in hell he’s going to have a threeway.  But back then, it makes sense.  I didn’t have the trust with my man that I do now… if that makes sense.

I hope that helps.  You don’t have to apologize for asking more questions about the subject.  I can tell you’re clearly worried about it, but I can honestly tell you not to stress.  Remember that you’re going to know your partner well… so the subject should be easier once it finally comes up.

Oh, and again… don’t make up his mind for him.  I’ve known couples that make the mistake of one of the guys will make a declaration that they WILL NOT have three ways.  While it’s clear that the one making the declaration will definitely not do it, if you don’t let your partner come to the same conclusion… then it’s not fair.  Just sit down… talk about it… and let him know that you’re not interested in it.  And if he tells you that he is… then find some middle ground for conversation… to talk through things and figure out why you both feel the way you do.

I know you’ll know what do when the time comes…and more importantly, what to say.  :-)

I hope that helps…

kev